The bottom line

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."
William Goldman, 'The Princess Bride'

Ahead of my time

I've been living with drought for months now and summer isn't even here.

Lost in the crowd

One of the neat things about being part of the herd, no one has a clue what you're up to.

Doldrums

One hour. Is that too much to ask?

Jockeying for position

Annie Bones latest misbehavior is her insane barking at crows. She stands on her two back feet, points her head to the sky and goes beserk.
Me: Hey, don't you know the crow is my totem animal?
Annie B: I thought I was your totem animal.
Me: Well, you'll do in a pinch.

My big break

Okay, so I've finished writing my novel and now I'm just sitting here waiting for a publisher to call. I'll be back to blogging just as soon as I hear something.

In the zone

I've been working on the Great American Novel. I'll be back soon.

La Paloma

Our grandson, Amadisto drew this wonderful wild bird and sent it in today's mail. How did he remember how much we love birds? Thank you, Booj. You are without question the best abstract expressionist of your generation!

Reflections

Through the hall, into the "nest".

Don't ask

"Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why."
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

A fast one

I used to be one for capers. I loved the mysterious odd path a person could take just for the sake of outwitting.
Unfortunately the most daring thing I've been involved in lately is sneaking my own candy into the movie theater. Known these days as life on the edge.

Calling it like it is

I like things that are presented the way they are. No euphemisms or sugar coating. My mother used to have a bottle of mouth wash called "Red Mouth Wash". Not Mountain Stream or Lava Flow, just Red Mouth Wash. She used to bring it out of the bathroom, "Hah!" she'd say pointing to the label. She liked that. She would have appreciated seeing this sign in her front yard.

The Cow Pasture Mystery

I had a friend, Gloria who told me she'd once been plucked from the middle of her cow pasture and abducted by a UFO.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"How could you make up something like that?"
"What was it like?" I asked.
"What was what like?" she asked

Restless reader

Me: "I don't have anything to read."

Irene: "What about those books?"

Me: "No, I mean to read."

Queens and things

At the flea I found a bumper sticker that said, "God Save the Queens".
"How much?" I asked.
The two young sellers conferred with each other. After a short conference one came over to me. She was obviously uncomfortable.
"It says queens not queen," she said. I swear she was blushing.
"I know. I get it," I said.
But you have to give them credit. They were obviously trying to save an old lady from publicly embarrassing herself. I paid them a dollar. It never ended up on my car. I just liked it the sentiment.

French lessons

I had a French teacher in college who was late to class every day. She'd wander in, her hair flying in all directions, her oxford shoes untied, her sweater covered with dog hair.
It seems she drove her beat up station wagon through town picking up stray dogs. Sometimes her car was a riot of unruly dogs tearing into 50 pound bags of dog food she kept there.
She was so distracted she almost never seemed to remember why she'd come to class. But she seemed to be well-meaning.
I lasted 6 weeks and I'm not even sure she spoke French. I know I don't.

Wild west

Many remember Dale Evans and her horse Buttermilk. I remember Dale in Victorville where she lived, standing in the check-out line at Thrifty's Drug cradling a quart of gin and a box of Loreal hair dye. Buttermilk was no where in sight.

Fetching

Yesterday I got all spiffed up and stepped out. In public. I thought I looked good so I felt good. When I got home I happened to run my hand over the back of my head. There on the crown was a huge tuft of hair, a snarl the size of a tornado. I reminded myself of one of those really old women on buses going downtown, the ones who wear big dots of rouge on their cheeks and only comb the front of their hair. Just the part they can see.

Acrophobic

When I was a kid I bought a spot on a space ship for a quarter. I found the ad in the back of a comic book and it assured me I would be one of the first to launch. For years I trembled every time the phone rang. I feared it was my time to go. I've been afraid of heights ever since.

Insomnia

The eyes have it.

Virtual adventure

A friend and I were talking about "returning to the land". To some funky place out in the middle of no where that didn't cost a mil. A place to have animals, smell the sage. Elbow room.
"Is there a town nearby?" I ask.
"Or a doctor?" she adds.
"What about plumbing?" I wonder.
"What about killers?" she's thinking.
"I'm afraid comfort has eroded my will", she says.
"Yeah, mine too."
"Maybe we could visit this place?"
"Where is it, exactly?"

Gray matters

I don't know. It was here a moment ago.

Becoming Mom

I have become my mother. Some time ago I mentioned that my mom used to whiz around her house in socks sprayed with some kind of cleaner. It was her idea of housework. Now I have my very own footwear. No spraying necessary but you DO have to take different routes through the house for this method to be effective.

Dog breath

Annie Bones loves to dig in the sand at the beach. Yesterday she found a sand crab, two French fries, a German Sheppard and a long buried sea lion. This is the same face she wakes me up with in the morning. (make larger to fully appreciate.)

The Writer

My son, Aaron McCarroll Gallegos, a longtime contributor to Sojourners magazine, has written the cover story for their April edition. If you have very keen eyes you can see his name on the cover. To read his articles click here and here.

Early promise

When I was ten I started a neighborhood newspaper, printed it on the mimeograph machine in our attic and charged a nickel a copy. On the side I gave running lessons to all the kids on my block. It's a wonder I don't have one of those early morning paper routes today, skittling through the dark streets in my Keds. Honing all those early skills.

Doldrum disasters

Imagine who Sarah might be today if she'd only heard the rest of the story.

Rush hour

I could stay out here forever.

Modesty

We all have our dreams. Some are just more modest than others.

Then what?

My good friend, Joanne was a transplant from NYC. She ended up in San Francisco in a house with a little yard.

"Wow! A yard!" I exclaimed.

"What do you do with a yard?" she asked.

"It's like people who go to the woods. You get there, you see a tree and then what do you do?" she wanted to know.

March Madness?

Okay, while I love to watch most sports on TV I've never been able to get into basketball. I tried once as a bonding experience with one of my sons. We watched an entire game together. But I pretty much hated it, (the game, not the bonding.)
My question is, WHEN does it end? Why don't they call it March through April Madness? Why toy with us like this?

Service with a smile

Today while I meandered through a local store I almost bumped into a woman with a cart. She backed up and in a very (sorry, Katie, but really) New York accent said:
"Sorry to bother you. I'll send your waitress right over. Before your nap."
(Well, excuuuse me.)

Kitchen catastrophies

My mother wasn't a very good cook either. But she was a creative cook.
Every year she grew a quarter acre of tomatoes and apricots, peaches, etc. And every year she dragged out the family pressure cooker and canned things. And every year, the pressure cooker exploded.
The 30 pound cast iron lid would hit the ceiling with a brilliant display of tomato or fruit. My discouraged mother would go to her room and for days our job was to clean the walls and ceiling. Canning season was a contentious time at our house. It didn't look at all like "Dinah" holding her gleaming cooker in her tidy green suit.

Homeland Security

Besides the daring display on the Bridge yesterday, what about the 2.1 million dollars the feds give the SF bridge people every year for security?
Boy, good thing those Students for a Free Tibet weren't Mafia or Reds or something more sinister.
(I understand security personnel was nearby at a security meeting when the climb began.)

The answer my friend

Way to go, Bob.

One World, One Dream

Advance notice.

Grins required?

This morning at the post office I saw a sign that said, "Positive ID required." Does that mean mandatory smiles on our driver's licenses or what?

Weather report

There is a muscular energy in sunlight corresponding to the spiritual energy of mind.
- Annie Dillard.

Savings plan

I woke up dreaming: What is an itch and why does scratching help? That's it, no swirling images or lingering thoughts. The most economic of dreams.

Dog angst

If Annie Bones could write she'd be churning out angst-ridden poetry. We try to keep her away from bridges.

Fixer

I could be happy here. I think.

Breadwinner

During the great gas shortages in the 70s I watched with fear as gas threatened to go to a dollar a gallon. I had no idea how I'd drive my VW bug back and forth to work to earn enough to do it again the next day. Years later, while going through some old stuff I found a pay stub from those days. I brought home $88.00 every two weeks. (that was for 80 hours work.) It seems I had cause for concern.

Looking for Julia Childs

I'm not a very good cook. Knowing I was going to be alone this weekend I decided to buy my dinner at our local health food store.
The vegan citrus sparerib cutlets turned on me so I found some old salad stuff in the "crisper" but decided in the end on the Slim Fast.
I might have saved myself all the trouble though if I'd just hauled out a box of Mac n' Cheese.
It never let me down in the "olden days".

Heights

I've shelved my blog plans for today. Maybe by tomorrow I will have found my way off this ledge.

Advantages

Another neat thing about daylight savings time: The extra light allows me to stay out here until 8:00 PM weeding this hill.

The art of hanging out

Really, am I being just too self indulgent?

Coming to terms

I'm making friends with my demons. A little at a time.

Decorating dilemmas

I mean, where in your prison cell do you put your three bookcases?

Fast food

The only time we ever eat at McDonalds is when we're traveling.

We pull in and each order an egg mc muffin, hash browns, apple pie and two milks.

There's just something about sitting along the highway under a lean-to with big rigs roaring past while we devour a breakfast that amounts to an entire day's worth of calories that transcends all the obvious health issues.

April Fools

In 1998 Burger King took out a full page ad in USA Today announcing its new, "left handed whopper". The ad said this whopper had all the things as their regular whopper except that the ingredients were shifted 180 degrees to make it easier for left handed people to hold.

The next day Burger King took out an ad saying it had all been an April Fool's joke, but not before thousands of Americans went into their local Burger Kings to order this new burger.

And I thought we left-handers were a brighter bunch.